Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize