Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
