he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
