WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
