Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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