It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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