so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
