Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
