Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
