Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
