After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
