The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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