Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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