His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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