i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
