I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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