You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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