Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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