How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no, he came in my armpit
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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