this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
