I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
