i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm like, not good at living.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
