Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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