what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
