You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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