Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
