I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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