Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
