You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
