I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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