I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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