eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
