If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
