this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
