Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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