You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
