You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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