Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
