Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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