I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
