why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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