Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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