I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
