Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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