You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
