i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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