your thong is hanging out like whoa
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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