Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
