he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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