i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
