im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need water and some morals
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
