if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize