blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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