kristin has been a bad kristin
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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