"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
