Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
