for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
