I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
