Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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