Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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