I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
