He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
