I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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