He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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