is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My balls are so social today.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
