did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
