the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
