Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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