I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
