I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
