i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
