I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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