It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
