Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
