I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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